So we all know that there's some things in our families that you just don't do right? Maybe it's something like when someone marries into your family and the first greeting they get is, "Oh by the way, don't ever mention Grandma's name around Uncle Phil... It won't be pleasant."
Or maybe it's not as blunt as that.
In most family systems there are family roles, which are the specific roles you play in your family (maybe the peacemaker or the one to go to about gossip), and then there are family rules.
Family rules are an unspoken list of acceptable and unacceptbale behaviors that are allowed in your family. If you're lucky, they might be spoken straight forward like Uncle Phil's. Or the unfortunate cases may be when the rules of what's acceptable are found out through trial and error. Yikes.
Get to get your mind rolling on how your family functions and what your family rules might be, I thought I'd share a few of mine!
1. Show no affection
2. If you act like a victim, you won't gain attention
3. Don't get upset when made fun of or you will just get picked on more
4. Learn to come up with good comebacks or you'll drown
5. Speak your mind
6. Like movies/shows or you will have nothing in common with us
Hopefully that sparks a light bulb to help you analyze your family!
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Friday, September 25, 2015
When We Think We Know Better
After my first week in this class, something came to my attention
about the world today that I feel I need to share with the world...
The family is pretty much backwards from how it should be.
I think we all know that for the most part, this is how the stages of people's lives go:
-Graduate from college
-Land a good career/apartment
-Date someone seriously for 5+ years
-Move in together
-Continue living the same separate lives with separate careers all gearing towards our ideal career position
-Delay marriage because we're comfortable where we're at/scared of divorce
-Forget about having kids until we're in our mid 30's. Then maybe we'll have one or two. Better make it one.
I think that sounds about right? But here's my opinion after living in the world and looking at the data... I think doing things that way is going about them all wrong.
Lemme just throw out a few stats real quick to give you an idea of what I'm going to be talking about.
We all know delayed marriage has been increasing in this country. People are getting married on average at the ages of 26 (for women) and 28 (for men). I'm assuming enough to say that this is also connected to the decreasing fertility rates in the country. Because people tend to get comfortable in their careers and they wait until they think they are "financially ready" to have children, they don't usually end up having any until their mid-late 30's. Well, (according to my research on Google) fertility starts to decline for women from about the age of 30, dropping down even more so after they hit 35. The likelihood of getting pregnant falls as women grow older.
Here's another I found that might be a little surprising.
Those who cohabit are much less likely to get married - living together first before marriage does not help you succeed.
Another cool little thing I learned from my teacher for today, and I'll be finished!
-The average couple on their way to divorce has on average 10 areas of significant incompatibility.
-The average couple that has a successful marriage.... has on average 10 areas of significant incompatibility.
Bottom line is: stop thinking too hard about this. We were meant to live and be happy and take risks (that apparently can turn out better than you think.. it's all in the mindset) instead of worrying our lives away working restlessly because we think that'll help us better in the future. The future is now. Stop worrying about precautions, and just do it. Get married, have babies. Because that's going to be way more fun and worth it than you're new promotion or your never ending single life that's afraid of change and commitment.
The end.
The family is pretty much backwards from how it should be.
I think we all know that for the most part, this is how the stages of people's lives go:
-Graduate from college
-Land a good career/apartment
-Date someone seriously for 5+ years
-Move in together
-Continue living the same separate lives with separate careers all gearing towards our ideal career position
-Delay marriage because we're comfortable where we're at/scared of divorce
-Forget about having kids until we're in our mid 30's. Then maybe we'll have one or two. Better make it one.
I think that sounds about right? But here's my opinion after living in the world and looking at the data... I think doing things that way is going about them all wrong.
Lemme just throw out a few stats real quick to give you an idea of what I'm going to be talking about.
We all know delayed marriage has been increasing in this country. People are getting married on average at the ages of 26 (for women) and 28 (for men). I'm assuming enough to say that this is also connected to the decreasing fertility rates in the country. Because people tend to get comfortable in their careers and they wait until they think they are "financially ready" to have children, they don't usually end up having any until their mid-late 30's. Well, (according to my research on Google) fertility starts to decline for women from about the age of 30, dropping down even more so after they hit 35. The likelihood of getting pregnant falls as women grow older.
Here's another I found that might be a little surprising.
Those who cohabit are much less likely to get married - living together first before marriage does not help you succeed.
Another cool little thing I learned from my teacher for today, and I'll be finished!
-The average couple on their way to divorce has on average 10 areas of significant incompatibility.
-The average couple that has a successful marriage.... has on average 10 areas of significant incompatibility.
Bottom line is: stop thinking too hard about this. We were meant to live and be happy and take risks (that apparently can turn out better than you think.. it's all in the mindset) instead of worrying our lives away working restlessly because we think that'll help us better in the future. The future is now. Stop worrying about precautions, and just do it. Get married, have babies. Because that's going to be way more fun and worth it than you're new promotion or your never ending single life that's afraid of change and commitment.
The end.
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