Get More Out of Your Role as a Parent

To protect and prepare children to survive and thrive.  That is ideally why most of the world spends their time and energy being a parent. But what's the importance of it? Yes, parents help kids grow up and learn the ways of the world. But why is it so important?

Well, I think it's easy to argue that parents actually end up benefiting an equal amount from raising and teaching as the children do. Think about it this way... Have you ever had a teacher in a class that made you plan and prepare to do a peer teaching session? That's because of the general rule that you learn more when you teach. Sometimes the teacher is even getting more out of the subject than the people who are being taught. So if we view parenting as more than just "I have a kid so therefore I have to raise them... and that makes me a parent" and as an opportunity for us to learn as well, while we teach our kids everything about the world, the difference between good and bad, how to handle things that life throws at you, and how to love and use their brains it becomes a bigger matter of importance.

An experiment that I once learned about in a class had a group of baby monkeys in one cage and another group of baby monkeys in another. In the first cage, the scientists placed a fake wire "mother" in the cage that was built to have the nutrients inside of it that the babies would need. In the second cage they created a fake mother but instead of being made of wire, it was made of soft terry cloth. Then the scientists observed the difference between nature and nurture. Both groups of babies were able to get the nutrients that they needed for growth and survival. Neither of the groups suffered any dangerous situations or environments. However, what they were amazed to find was that the group of monkeys that had a soft, warm cloth mother not only survived but they out lived the monkeys with a wire mother (who died very soon after) by an immense amount.

Think of relationships that kids that you grew up with had with their parents. From what I remember, my friends who had parents that were not so affectionate or were gone 24/7 seemed to feel distant from their parents, they felt they didn't understand them, and they tended to be the ones who broke a lot of rules. But then I had friends who had parents that they felt very close to. They felt like they could talk to their parents about anything, they always knew what was going on within their kids' friend groups. I remember feeling envious of my friends who viewed their parents as friends.

 Parenting is about contact and belonging. The difference that I think between these parents, isn't how strict or lenient they were. It's the contact and sense of belonging that they gave their children. They knew everything about their kids' lives because they took the time to talk with their kids. They spent time with them, they were affectionate with them and showed them that they mattered.

Parents, don't view your role as a parent as a right because you have a kid. View it as a skill to be learned, an experience, and a purpose. Provide support and encouragement, contact, teach them, and learn WITH them. That is how you can get more out of your role as a "parent".