What I Meant Was... We Think Differently

 I know I'm not the only one who has had strenuous fights over and over again with someone when you were standing there wanting to scream at them "Nooooo, that's obviously not what I meant!"
I remember in middle school, I had a best friend that was harder to talk to than my parents as an 8th grader. It seemed like everything that I said she would turn around into something offensive or unfriendly. Most of these arguements probably happened from texting unfortunately. We struggle with communication especially in texting because just reading shortened, typed messages often does a bad job getting the real message across. And so she wouldn't understand me correctly and we would fight. It happens.

But did you know more of our communication with others comes form non-verbal messages? More so even than tone... And then tone more so than actual words.
(Now you can really see how hard it must be to understand correctly through texting)

So now you can probably understand why it's sometimes so hard to communicate effectively about what you really mean. And often times, if we don't use non-verbal language or tone the way that the other person expects, we may find ourselves saying "Wait, what I really meant when I said that was..."

What it all boils down to is the fact that we are all different. Our brains function differently. And whether or not we want acknowledge it, we all think differently and interpret meanings different from one another. So that's why it's so important for us to slow down, easy our defense, and clarify what you may be saying if the other isn't understanding or to take the time to think about what they may really be saying.

 A few things to consider when you engage in communication with others:

1. Listening is more important than talking.
2. Listening is not the same thing as hearing. Hearing is a sensory experience. Listening is an activity that requires hearing, processing, and engaging with the other person.
3. Reflective listening can help you and the other person clarify what is being said, so that misunderstanding does not occur.

Reflective listening is a simple exercise that, with practice, will become second nature and help you improve your communication skills.

Hopefully that helps you avoid your next argument! 

And for a good laugh and more education on why men and women have an even harder time understanding each other, watch this YouTube video "A Tale of Two Brains" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk